The Other Side of Fear: What If You Actually Succeed?

Show Notes

We spend so much time preparing for the fear of failure, but what if the thing holding you back is actually the fear of success?

Success means change, new expectations, and leaving the safety of who you've always been. In this vulnerable episode, I share my real-time struggle with what author Gay Hendricks calls the "Upper Limit Problem"—the subconscious ways we sabotage ourselves when we exceed our internal thermostat for success.

Using my journey with the Paced app as a real-world example, we'll dissect the four hidden barriers that make us feel "fundamentally flawed" and I'll teach you the 3-step "Success Planning" system I use to fight back. This is the system you need to define your goals, plan for the "good problems" success creates, and finally give yourself permission to evolve.

In This Episode:

• (00:53) - Why the fear of success can be just as paralyzing as the fear of failure.

• (01:49) - Understanding the "Upper Limit Problem" from Gay Hendricks' book, "The Big Leap".

• (02:40) - The four hidden barriers that cause us to self-sabotage.

• (04:26) - My real-time story of hitting my own upper limit with the Paced app.

• (05:19) - How to fight back with a 3-step system: "Success Planning".

• (05:53) - Step 1: Define what success really looks like on your own terms.

• (07:11) - Step 2: Proactively map out your "success problems".

• (09:34) - Step 3: The most crucial step—giving yourself permission to evolve.

• (10:37) - Recap & Your Weekly Challenge.

Resources Mentioned:

"The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level" by Gay Hendricks.

🔗 CONNECT WITH RHONDA

• Website: rhondalavoie.com

• Instagram: @rhonda.lavoie

• Facebook: Rhonda Lavoie

• TikTok:@ rhonda.lavoie

• Follow the Paced App journey: getpaced.app

Music for The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast: "Sunny Days" by Jimmy Gunnarsson via Descript.

Transcript

[00:00:06] It's a hard thing to admit, but there's a part of my brain that's telling me I'm not deserving of this app being successful. The thought that runs through my head is this, why would someone like me. Someone from a small town in Saskatchewan be allowed to have success in an area at such a global level. It's just that doubt that's there, and that is the upper limit problem in action. Welcome back to The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast. I'm so glad you're here. This is a show that's all about getting it done and keeping it real. A couple of episodes ago, we talked about the fear of failure, but I wanna ask you a different question today. What if you don't fail? What if that big idea you have is a huge success?

[00:00:53] It is a strange question because we think success is what we want, but I've learned that the fear of success can be just as paralyzing as the fear of failure. Success means change. It means new expectations. It means your identity will shift. It means you have to leave that safety of who you've always been.

[00:01:20] And get comfortable with being a beginner again at a whole new level. I felt this myself. There was a time when my real estate business started to grow really fast, and instead of just feeling excited, I felt overwhelmed. The success created a whole new set of problems. I didn't have enough time. I needed to hire help, and there was a constant pressure.

[00:01:49] To keep the momentum going. This is a real thing. The author Gay Hendricks wrote a fantastic book called "The Big Leap", and he calls this the "Upper Limit Problem". Actually, I have the book right here. Let, let me read you how he describes the core idea.

[00:02:12] Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love. Success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old familiar zone where we feel secure.

[00:02:40] So it's our subconscious way of pulling ourselves back that upper limit problem. And Hendricks says, this feeling comes from what he calls the four hidden barriers. The first one is the belief that we are fundamentally flawed. It's a big statement, fundamentally flawed. It's that deep down feeling that something is just wrong with us and we do not deserve it.

[00:03:11] So when something good happens, our brain goes, we wait a minute. Good things can happen to someone who doesn't deserve them, and we find a way to mess it up.

[00:03:22] The second one is a fear of disloyalty or abandonment. This is the fear that if we become too successful, we'll no longer fit in with our old friends or family. You're afraid they'll think you've changed or that you're leaving them behind. So you subconsciously hold yourself back to stay part of the group.

[00:03:45] The third is the belief that you are a burden and that more success will make you an even bigger burden. Thinking is this, if I become even more successful, I'll have more responsibilities, more people depend on me, more stress. So we play it small to avoid taking on that weight. And the fourth one is the fear of out shining someone.

[00:04:10] This is when we dim our own light so we don't make someone else, maybe a parent, a sibling, or a partner feel bad or insecure. We hide our own genius so we don't intimidate the people we love.

[00:04:26] When I first read that list in this book, that one that really hit home for me was that first one, the feeling of being fundamentally flawed, and that feeling is actually hitting me right now in real time with The Paced App. It's a hard thing to admit, but there's a part of my brain that's telling me I'm not deserving of this app being successful.

[00:04:49] The thought that runs through my head is this, why would someone like me. Someone from a small town in Saskatchewan be allowed to have success in an area at such a global level. It's just that doubt that's there, and that is the upper limit problem in action. I'm sharing this with you because I know I'm not alone in this feeling and recognizing it is the first step to overcoming it, so I'm sure you're wondering how do you fight it?

[00:05:19] Well, of course you need a system. And that system, I call it success planning but first it's important to remember. The thing we are now afraid of succeeding at is the very same thing. We were once terrified to even start. It's the same fear just wearing a different costume. So this system is the way to handle that, and it has three parts. First, define your success, and I mean really, really specific.

[00:05:53] A vague goal is too big and scary for your brain to handle. You have to define it on your own terms. Let me use my own Paced App project as an example. A vague goal would be I want the app to be a success that's terrifying and intimidating.

[00:06:11] My define success is to build a tool that genuinely helps people with their personal growth and a project that I can grow into my main focus. This can apply to any goal. Let's take a career change. Instead of, I wanna leave my boring corporate job. Define success would be, success means finding a job that I don't dread on Sunday nights where my ideas are heard and that still pays the bills. Or a personal growth goal instead of, I wanna be more confident.

[00:06:46] Define success would be, success means doing one thing each week that makes me nervous, like speaking up in a meeting. The win isn't feeling confident. The win is taking the action. See the difference? It's not a monster anymore, it's a clear target. Okay? So once you have that clear defined objective, you move on to the second step.

[00:07:11] Now, this part might sound a little counterintuitive. But it's the most powerful part of the whole system. Map your success problems. You proactively brainstorm the new good problems your success will create.

[00:07:27] Let's apply these to our examples from before for my project. The Paced App, a success problem is customer support. If this app is successful and helps thousands of people, those people are going to have questions and feedback, that's a good problem to have. But if I don't plan for it, it'll become overwhelming.

[00:07:48] So by mapping it out, now I can start thinking about a system for customer support so our users feel heard and taken care of. It's no longer a scary unknown. It's a logical step. Let's take the career change example. You get the new job, you don't dread on Sunday nights. That's a huge win. But what are the new problems?

[00:08:10] Well, for one, you have to be the new person, again. You have to learn a whole new company culture from scratch, and you might have less seniority, which means less flexibility at first. By mapping that out, you can go into the new job prepared for the learning curve. Instead of being surprised by it, you can see it for what it is.

[00:08:31] A temporary challenge on the path is something better now. How about for that personal growth goal of being more confident in speaking up in meetings? The success problem is that people will start to listen. They might start seeing you as a leader and give you more responsibility that can feel terrifying.

[00:08:50] It's a new level of expectation. Another success problem is that your new confidence might make some people in your life uncomfortable. By anticipating this, you can prepare yourself for those reactions and understand that it's a natural part of your growth. Not something you're doing wrong.

[00:09:09] See what that does. You're not just hoping for success, you're planning for it. So you've defined your success and you've turned your fears into a simple to-do list. But all the planning in the world, what matter if you're not ready for the internal shift that comes with success. And that brings us to the third and final part, which might be the most important part.

[00:09:34] Give yourself permission to evolve. Yes. Give yourself permission to evolve. Think about it. The person who is capable of running a successful global app.

[00:09:46] Is by definition not the same person who is afraid to even start. The journey changes you. You learn new skills, you gain new confidence, you build resilience. But here's the trap we often clinging to our old identity because it's familiar, it's comfortable. We're afraid that if we change, we'll be losing like a part of ourselves.

[00:10:10] But you have to be willing to let go of that person you were to make space for the person you are becoming. It's not a loss, it's an upgrade. So the takeaway is this, don't let the fear of success hold you back. Define what it looks like. Plan for the new problems it will create and give yourself permission to become the person who can handle it.

[00:10:37] Okay, so here's your challenge for this week. Take one of your big goals, write down what success looks like, and then list three new good problems that success will create. Now, next week we're doing a system spotlight on how I use AI as my creative partner.

[00:10:58] All right. That's what I've got for you this week. Thanks for hanging out with me. Remember, this is The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast, and this is where we focus on getting it done and keeping it real. If today's conversation was helpful, the easiest way to make sure you don't miss the next one is to hit follow or subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

[00:11:18] New episodes drop every Tuesday. We can find the show notes and full transcript for this episode over at rhondalavoie.com. And hey, if you're interested in The Paced App My project. That's all about helping you take back your time at your pace. You can follow the journey at getpaced.app. Until next time, get it done.

[00:11:38] Keep it real.