Why Your "Yes" is a Logic Trap: Reclaiming Your Peace in a Season of Overwhelm

Written By Rhonda Lavoie

Show Notes

If you’ve ever felt like you’re setting your own house on fire just to keep everyone else warm, this episode is for you. We often tell ourselves that being "strong and capable" means we should be able to handle every crisis without skipping a beat. But when life throws the unexpected at us, even the most logical "yes" can lead to a state of total overload where the math of our daily lives simply stops working.

I’m sharing the raw truth about my recent breaking point—from the tears at my favorite cafe to the hard conversation that saved my business. We’re moving past the "perfect morning" aesthetic and getting real about the "Frozen Shoulder Effect" and how to break the cycle of numbing out on your phone when your brain is simply full.

In This Episode:

  • (00:33) – The "Perfect Morning" Lie: Why social media is lying to you about burnout.

  • (01:58) – The Saskatchewan Spring: Navigating the messy "in-between" seasons of life.

  • (03:52) – The Campfire in a Blizzard: Why you can't outwork a storm.

  • (05:22) – The Breaking Point: Sitting at TOT Cafe with a caramel macchiato and no answers.

  • (06:10) – The Conversation: Messaging Crystal and admitting I couldn't do it alone.

  • (07:31) – Physical Warning Signs: When your body says "stop" through a frozen shoulder.

  • (08:20) – The Numb-Scroll: Breaking the fog of Facebook and TikTok with Paced.

  • (09:34) – Recap & Your Weekly Challenge: Finding your "Micro-Ask".

Resources Mentioned:

  • Concept: The Logic Trap – When doing the "right" thing exceeds your human capacity.

  • Location: TOT Cafe.

  • Tool: The Paced App – A shame-free pattern interrupt for digital trances.

This Week's Challenge:

Look at your life right now and find one small thing you can hand off to someone else. It doesn't have to be life-altering; it just has to be off your plate.

🔗 CONNECT WITH RHONDA

·       Music for The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast written and recorded by Wade and Tan Fehr.

Transcript

[00:00:05] I was scrolling through my phone the other day and I saw another one of those perfect morning videos. You know the ones, the house is silent, the laundry is magically done, and someone is drinking lemon water while the sun comes up. But have you ever notice the hair? Their hair is always perfect. Their clothes are completely wrinkle free.

[00:00:33] There is clearly no way these people have just crawled outta bed like the rest of us. They make it look like if you just tried a little harder or you bought a better planner or woke up at 5:00 AM the stress would just magically evaporate. But let's be real for a second. Most of us aren't stressed because we're disorganized.

[00:00:59] We're stressed because we're good people who take on a lot. We say yes to helping family, yes to our businesses, and yes to everyone who needs us. It all seems totally logical, 100% necessary in the moment, but eventually the math just stops working. You can't keep adding more to your plate without something falling off.

[00:01:28] Usually the thing that falls off is your own peace of mind.

[00:01:37] Welcome back to the Rhonda Lavoie podcast. I am your host, Rhonda Lavoie. I'm sitting here in my office today looking out at the Saskatchewan Spring. If you live around here, you know exactly what I'm talking about. One day you're shoveling snow and the buses are canceled, and then two days later you are actually getting a sunburn.

[00:01:58] It's that messy, muddy in-between season where you don't even know what shoes to put on in the morning, where you don't even know what shoes to put on in the morning.

[00:02:11] You're constantly wiping paws and cleaning the mud and the grime off the floor. It feels like no matter how much you scrub, the mess, just follows you inside.

[00:02:21] You know that feeling when you just finish mopping and someone walks in with wet boots? That's the visual. To be honest, that's exactly how my head has felt for the last couple of weeks. Just messy. I've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. Uh, someone in my family really needed me, and of course I stepped up.

[00:02:44] It wasn't even a question. But I realized pretty quickly that even when you're doing the right thing, it still takes a massive toll on your energy. I found myself running out of steam in a way I didn't expect, and I wanted to talk to you about it today. What happens when your brain and your heart are just plain full?

[00:03:11] We're told that if you're strong and capable. We should be able to handle it all. Especially as women. We're the designated "fixers". When a crisis hits, we flip a switch and we go to on mode or go mode. I definitely told myself that I was strong and capable.

[00:03:33] I told myself that I could shoulder the extra weight because that's just what I do. I'm used to managing a lot of moving parts in real estate and in life, but staying "on" is exhausting.

[00:03:52] It's like trying to keep a campfire roaring in the middle of a blizzard. You're throwing logs on as fast as you can. You're working so hard to keep the flame alive. But eventually the wood runs out and you're just standing there in the cold. You realize you can't outwork a storm. I spent the last few weeks constantly thinking and trying to navigate a situation that was brand new to me.

[00:04:21] This requires so much focus that I didn't have anything left for my normal life. I felt like I was behind on everything, my emails, my house, even just my own thoughts. But the truth is I wasn't behind. I was just at my limit.

[00:04:41] We need to stop beating ourselves up for not being productive when we're actually just trying to survive a hard season. You aren't a machine, and that's a hard thing to accept. When you've believed you were, you were believed that you were invincible, so to speak.

[00:05:03] You can't just keep adding new challenges to your day and expect your brain and your body to keep up at the same pace. It's physically impossible.

[00:05:22] I hit a point a couple of weeks ago where I just couldn't do it anymore. The strong and capable act just crumbled. I'm usually the person who has the answers, but I found myself sitting in TOT Cafe, my favorite cafe. I was just sitting there with my caramel macchiato and I just started crying. Not just a little bit, but that heavy.

[00:05:49] I'm done kind of cry. I felt completely overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I felt like I had taken on too much and for the first time I didn't know how to fix it. I couldn't even say it out loud at first. I actually ended up messaging my wife Crystal, just because that was the only way I could get the words out.

[00:06:10] I told her I was overwhelmed.

[00:06:13] I even told her I was considering stopping the development and marketing of The Paced app. I've been working so hard on, I was ready to quit my dreams because I felt like I had to set my own house on fire just to keep everyone else warm.

[00:06:30] But because I finally admitted I was struggling, we were able to have a real conversation. Crystal didn't let me quit. She stepped up and took some of that family load off of my shoulders so I could keep my business going. It reminded me that even though I hate asking for help, and usually wait until I'm at a breaking point to do it, I can't do this life alone.

[00:06:55] None of us can

[00:07:02] when you're in the middle of it. You ignore the signs you think you can just power through. For me, I carry it all on my neck and my back, but lately it's even been my shoulders. The muscles get so tight that I actually can't even raise my arms properly. It's like having frozen shoulder. My body was literally locking up to tell me I was carrying too much.

[00:07:31] It was my body's way of saying, stop. Mentally, I start ahhing my way through conversations. You know what I mean? My kids will be talking to me, or Crystal will be telling me something and I'll nod, but I'm not actually there. My brain is so full of the big problem that I can't have that space to actually listen or laugh.

[00:07:55] If you find yourself being short with your family or if you feel like you've forgotten how to smile, take that as a sign. It's not that you're a grumpy person, it's that your nervous system is taking a hit. You are overloaded, you are full, and that's okay to admit.

[00:08:20] When I get overwhelmed, I tend to. Get into a bit of a fog and I'll pick up my phone and I'll start scrolling Facebook or TikTok just to numb out. I'm not even looking at anything interesting. Frankly, I'm not even sure I'm actually looking. I'm just trying to escape the noise in my head. Do you know that feeling?

[00:08:45] That's one of the reasons I'm so passionate about The Paced App. It's built for moments exactly like that. When you're in that fog, you need something to snap you out of it. Paced does that. It puts a cool down on all those apps that you use to numb out. It literally forces you to stop, step away, and take a walk to unlock them.

[00:09:07] It sounds simple, but that 15 minute walk changes everything. It's not really even about getting the exercise. It's about breaking the pattern. It gets you out of your head and back into your body. It gave me the space to realize that I didn't need to quit my business.

[00:09:26] I just needed to ask for some help with the family stuff. It gave me my perspective back.

[00:09:34] So here's what I want you to do this week. Don't wait until you're sitting in a coffee shop in tears like I was. Don't wait until your shoulders are so tight you can't move. Look at your life right now and find one small thing you can hand off to someone else. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. Maybe it's asking someone to handle dinner or a work task, or even just an errand.

[00:10:01] Asking for help is hard. Especially when you feel like we should be able to handle it. But you are doing a better job for everyone when you aren't running on empty.

[00:10:16] I know things can feel heavy, especially when life throws things that you, that you didn't expect. Just remember that it's okay to adjust. It's okay to pivot. It is definitely okay to say I can't do this by myself.

[00:10:32] Just a heads up, uh, we are moving to a new schedule here.

[00:10:35] From now on, you'll see new podcast episodes launching every other week. It's my way of making sure I'm keeping things sustainable on my end so I can keep showing up for you. You can find all the show notes and the links we mentioned over at rhondalavoie.com Thank you for being here. I'm Rhonda Lavoie. Now go take a walk.

[00:10:56] I'll talk to you in two weeks. Keep it real and get it done.eal. Happy Easter break everyone

Rhonda Lavoie
Next

Digital Detox for Overwhelmed Women: The "Just One Peek" Tax