Terrified of Failin? You’re Already Failing.
Show Notes
If you've ever been stopped in your tracks by the fear of failing, this episode is for you. In this direct, "tough love" episode, Rhonda confronts the "what if" list that paralyzes us and reframes the entire concept of failure.
Learn the "Fear Autopsy"—a simple, practical system for dissecting what you're really afraid of—and discover why the only guaranteed way to fail is to not give yourself the opportunity to try.
In This Episode:
(00:03) - The Hook: You're Asking the Wrong Question About Fear
(00:54) - My Story: Feeling Trapped and the "What If" List
(02:16) - The "Fear Autopsy": A 3-Step System to Dissect Your Fear
(04:08) - The Reframe: Why You're Already Failing
(05:12) - The Science (Part 1): What is "Catastrophizing"?
(06:10) - The Science (Part 2): The Cost of Not Trying & "Loss Aversion"
(08:00) - Recap & Your Weekly Challenge
Resources Mentioned:
Concept: Catastrophizing
Concept: Loss Aversion (from Daniel Kahneman)
This Week's Challenge:
Pick one thing you're procrastinating on out of fear. Ask yourself, 'What's the real consequence, and what's the cost of the first step?' And then, just take that first step.
🔗 CONNECT WITH RHONDA
Website: rhondalavoie.com
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Music for The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast: "Sunny Days" by Jimmy Gunnarsson via Descript.
Transcript
I wanna start this episode a little differently. If you've ever asked yourself, how do I start when I'm terrified of failing, my first piece of advice is, stop. Just stop because you're asking the wrong question. Welcome back to The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast. I'm so glad you're here, and I want you to know that I really do appreciate that you're here because I know that this is the very beginning of me creating these video podcasts and sometimes, you know, I might not be super awesome at it, but I really do believe in my message.
So again, thank you for being here. Remember, this is the show that's all about get it done and keeping it real. Today we're digging into the fear of failure. Let me tell you about a time I was completely stuck before I got into real estate. I had a corporate job and honestly, I was unhappy. I was bored, really bored.
I was tired of trying to make a difference, a big corporation bringing my ideas forward just to have them turned down or ignored. I was only making small gains, financially stuck working 8-4 I felt trapped with little room to grow a woman in a man's world to make things even scarier. At the time, I had a new baby at home and we were in the middle of building a new house.
These were all huge positive changes, but they made the idea of a career change even more terrifying. It was just one more uncertain thing. My what if list went wild? I was afraid of looking foolish to my family and friends. I was terrified I couldn't earn enough money to pay our bills. The tipping point for me wasn't one big event that forced my hand.
Instead, it was the slow, terrifying thought of living that same life forever, bored, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled. That's what finally made me realize I had to take a leap. So how do you get from that place of fear to the other side? You have to perform what I call a fear autopsy. You have to dissect the fear and see what it's really made of.
Let's walk through the three brutally honest questions, and I'll use my story as an example. So first, what are you really afraid of? For me, it wasn't just failing at real estate, it was the fear of not earning enough money to support my family. It was a fear of having to go back to the corporate world.
Second, what is the real tangible consequence if you fail? My consequence wasn't having my truck repoed or losing my new home. It was maybe having to get another job. Embarrassing. Yeah. The end of the world? No. And the most important one, what is the cost of taking the very first step? My first step wasn't quitting my job, it was setting up for the real estate course.
The cost was a few hundred bucks and some of my evenings. That's it. It wasn't a huge leap. It was a small, manageable step. So let me repeat those three steps for you. The fear autopsy is simple. You ask yourself these questions. Number one, what are you really afraid of? Number two, what is the real consequence?
And number three, what is the cost of the first step? Answer those three questions. Honestly, we'll break the paralysis and give you clarity to move forward. And this brings me to the hard truth. I need you to understand that there are two ways to fail in this world. There's the failure that comes from trying something and having it not work out, but that's not really failure.
That's a lesson. That's data, that's progress. And then there's the other kind of failure, the real kind, the failure to even try if you're holding yourself back because you're afraid of what might happen. I need you to hear this. You are already failing. Let me repeat that. You are already failing. You're failing yourself.
You're failing because you're not giving yourself the opportunity to try. You're not giving yourself the opportunity to see your potential. That potential you feel inside you. That voice that says you're meant for more. It needs you to give it a chance, and every day you don't. You're failing to honor that part of you.
That is the only failure that truly matters. Whew. I know, right? Heavy. And there's a name for this. It's not just you, it's about our brains, how they're wired. Psychologists call it catastrophizing. It's a cognitive distortion, which is just a fancy way of saying it's a glitch in our thinking. It's our brain's habit of taking one small worry.
And spinning it out into the absolute w worst case scenario. My what if list about leaving my job wasn't rational, it was my brain catastrophizing the fear Autopsy is the tool you use to fight that glitch. It forces you to stop the spiral and look at the facts. You're replacing the imagined movie, like Disaster with the real and usually much smaller risk.
Now that we've talked about the consequence of failing, let's talk about the very real consequence of not trying. So why is it so hard to leave that safe but miserable place? Well, the same Nobel Prize winner I mentioned in a previous episode, Daniel Kahneman has a concept for this. It's called loss aversion.
And all it means is that psychologically the pain of losing something is about twice as powerful as the pleasure of gaining something that's two times more powerful. We are wired to be more afraid of losing what we have, even if it's a job that makes us miserable than we are excited about what we could gain.
But that's a trap. What is the cost of staying stuck where you are? What will your life look like in one year, five years, if you let this fear win every single time? For me, it would've been my mental health, for sure. The boredom, doing the same thing over and over without being able to see any progress.
It's like torture, and when boredom sets in for me, I can get cranky, antsy, and lazy. Not a good combination. If I hadn't made that move, I am certain I would not have started developing the pays app or started this podcast. I wouldn't have found my calling to help others, so not only would I have been miserable, but I wouldn't be here talking to you when you really sit down and compare the small potential pain of trying and failing with guaranteed heavy pain of regret.
That's when the choice becomes much clearer. The takeaway is this, stop letting a fictional, what if cripple you? Do a fear autopsy and remember that the only guaranteed way to fail is to not even try your challenge for this week. Pick one thing you're procrastinating on out of fear and ask yourself what's the real consequenc?.
And what's the cost of the first step, and then just take that first step.
Alright. That's what I've got for you this week. Thank, thank you for hanging out with me. It really does mean a lot. Remember, this is The Rhonda Lavoie Podcast, and this is where we focus on getting it done and keeping it real. If today's conversation was helpful, the easiest way to make sure you don't miss the next one is to hit follow or subscribe in your favorite podcast app.
New episodes drop every Tuesday. You can find the show notes in full transcript for this episode over at rhondalavoie.com. And hey, if you're interested in the Paced App, a project that's about helping you take back your time at your pace, you can follow the journey at getpaced.app. That's getpaced.app
Until next time, get it done and keep it real.
